A Snowy Central Park Engagement Session Straight Out of a Lesbian Hallmark Movie
If the Hallmark Channel ever decided to stop being aggressively heterosexual and actually cast two adorable lesbians in knit beanies as the leads of a winter rom-com… it would look exactly like this.
Maci & Hannah’s Central Park engagement session was pure magic. Snow-covered benches. Street lamps glowing like a movie set. Cozy winter fits. And two people completely smitten with each other, frolicking through a dreamscape of fresh powder and big queer love.
From Nashville to New York: A Surprise Trip With a Plot Twist
Maci had been planning this session for months — long before Hannah had any idea she’d be flying to New York, let alone getting engaged in a winter wonderland.
Hannah had never been to NYC, and Maci made sure to pack the whole trip with firsts and favorites: Broadway shows, the Empire State Building, and a surprise Central Park engagement session she didn’t even reveal until they were on their way to the park.
Their Playful, Snowy Central Park Engagement Session
Central Park had just been blanketed in snow, which made the whole shoot feel like we were walking through a freshly shaken snow globe. There were moments of cinematic drama (cue: smooching under a glowing lamp post), tender intimacy, and complete chaos (Maci absolutely tackling Hannah into the snow, zero hesitation).
They twirled and dipped and giggled until their cheeks were pink. Their joy was unstaged and unfiltered, just two people so fully into each other that the whole city sort of faded away behind them.
Why Central Park Slays for Engagement Photos in the Winter
Look, I know most people think spring blooms or fall leaves when they picture Central Park. But winter in the city is underrated.
It’s quieter with fewer people around and more space to run around and have fun.
Snow makes everything soft. Even the concrete looks dreamy under a fresh layer of powder.
It feels more cinematic. There’s something about kissing under a streetlamp with flurries falling that just goes straight to the soul.
You can run around like absolute goofballs and not worry about sweating through your outfits.
And if you're wondering whether winter sessions are too cold, make sure you’re well prepared. Bring hand warmers, wear thermal layers, and make sure to go grab a hot drink afterwards!
Testimonial
"Caroline was absolutely MAGICAL!!! After months of secretly planning a surprise engagement shoot in Central Park for my fiancé, when we finally all met up in the snowy park, Caroline made us feel comfortable, empowered and beautiful. The entire experience was so much fun! Caroline felt like an old friend by the end, and we only shot for a little over an hour! (My fault for over booking our trip to New York and running late after the Empire State Observatory) Even still, she was flexible, friendly, and warm.
All that and I haven't even mentioned the PHOTOS!!! We are already planning to have some printed on canvas to display in our apartment. Caroline was able to perfectly capture our dynamic and turn it into nothing short of an art gallery of our love. We are beyond thrilled with the results and cannot WAIT to officially lock down a venue for our wedding so we can book her before anyone has the chance to steal her on our date! Go with Caroline for your photos! You will NOT be disappointed. Seriously cannot thank her or speak highly enough of her!!! She is a gift to the New York, photography, and LGBTQ+ communities! We love you Caroline!"
Planning Your Own Central Park Engagement Session? Let’s Do This!
Maci and Hannah’s session was equal parts tender and unhinged, which is the exact combo I live for. We had snowball fights, streetlamp kisses, surprise proposals, and a whole lot of queer joy. If you want documentary-style photos that feel like real moments instead of stiff poses, I’m your person.
Reach out to plan your Central Park engagement session here!
Fall Central Park Elopement at Cop Cot
There’s something about a Central Park elopement that just hits different. Maybe it’s the contrast between city noise and intimacy of your vows. Maybe it’s the way the trees hold space around you even when a thousand people are walking dogs and eating hot pretzels ten feet away. Or maybe it’s the simple truth that New York has this wild ability to make even the smallest moments feel cinematic.
Jess and Tristan’s Central Park elopement at Cop Cot is proof. Their day unfolded in that sweet spot where city chaos fades and the quiet little pockets of New York appear just for you. And it was perfect.
A First Look Hidden in Plain Sight
Central Park definitely is popular. But the park is huge! With 843 acres, there are endless little corners, lawns, and tree-lined pockets where you can have a genuinely private moment.
That’s exactly what we did for Jess and Tristan’s first look. A private little nook under the trees, surrounded by golden leaves, where they could breathe and feel without an audience. Although it soon became quite a party after their loved ones turned up!
Central Park Elopement at Cop Cot
Jess and Tristan held their ceremony at Cop Cot, one of the few reservable ceremony spots in Central Park. The wooden structure feels like something out of a fairytale treehouse. It’s covered in vines, full of texture, and somehow manages to feel both rustic and deeply romantic.
The benches inside are arranged in a kind of open diamond shape, so everyone is with you, not staring at you. There’s the feeling of being surrounded by a circle of loved ones rather than being on a stage performing for an audience.
And if you’re planning to elope here (or overall at Central Park), here’s what you should know:
You need a permit if you have more than 20 people, or you want to reserve a specific area, like Cop Cot. (Highly recommend reserving, since it guarantees privacy)
You can apply for your permit here!You have to apply at least 21 days before your day, or your application will not be approved.
You can’t reserve spaces on major holidays. Then all the park areas remain first-come, first-serve.
If you skip the permit, you can still elope — you just won’t have a claim to any specific spot. That means that you might have to pivot if someone else is using the area. Totally doable, but, again, if you want a structure like Cop Cot, get the permit.
Their Cop Cot Elopement Ceremony in Central Park
Their ceremony was so sweet. Tristan’s brother played guitar as Jess walked in with her parents by her side. During their ceremony, Jess and Tristan did this beautiful thing: they put the rings on each other's fingers halfway, then pushed their own rings the rest of the way to symbolize teamwork, mutual support, and meeting each other halfway.
One of my absolute favorite bits was when they exchanged little "Do you like me? Yes / No" notes that were absolute peak middle school romance in the best possible way.
Champagne, Wandering, & The Very Best of Central Park
After the ceremony, they cracked open celebratory drinks straight from the bottle (truly iconic behavior), wandered the trails, and sat on a bench while Central Park swirled around them in fall color.
And then we made our way down to Bethesda Terrace. The inside of Bethesda Terrace is a gorgeous, iconic spot for romantic photos -- the architecture and tiling on the walls and ceilings, and the dreamy light coming in through the tunnel openings, make you feel like you're inside a work of classical art.
Jess’s vintage-inspired look (that halter neckline? the coat?? the bouquet with feathery pink textures???) was a moment against the moody stone and gilded ceiling. We took our time, found quiet frames between the crowd, and just let the moment be what it was.
That’s exactly the vibe Jess wanted. Years ago, her cousin eloped in New York, and I photographed their day. Jess saw those photos, felt the intimacy through them, and said, “Yeah, that. I want that.”
So we built their entire day around preserving that same closeness.
Planning Your Own Central Park Elopement? I’m In.
Jess and Tristan’s Central Park elopement was everything I love about non-traditional weddings. It was full of quiet moments, real emotion, a couple who did what felt good for them and didn’t give a damn about traditions that didn’t fit.
If you’re planning your own elopement in NYC and want someone who will document it like a friend who gets it, I’m here!
I’m Caroline, your queer documentary wedding & elopement photographer in NYC, and I’d love to hear from you. Reach out here to inquire, and let’s dream up your day together!
Fun Cocktail Bar Engagement Photos at Bar Louise in Brooklyn
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when you combine a cozy cocktail bar, two wildly in love queer women, a round of dirty martinis, and one of the cutest Brooklyn spots on earth… the answer is: magic, obviously.
Kathleen and Alex’s bar engagement photos at Bar Louise were some of my favorites of all time. Like, the kind of session where halfway through you’re like, “Is this work? Or am I third-wheeling the cutest date ever?” And honestly? Both.
Why Cocktail Bar Engagement Photos Are Superior
Look, I love a park. I love a rooftop. But sometimes the best engagement photos happen in a moody cocktail bar. Kathleen and Alex emailed the bar ahead of time, chatted with the manager, and he let us sneak in a few minutes before opening. So for a glorious window of time, it was just us. It ruled!
We sipped dirty martinis. We ate oysters. We talked about all our favorite gay neighborhoods in Philly. There were also zero forced poses. It was just vibes, banter, and two people fully in love and fully themselves.
Also worth noting: Bar Louise is owned by the same team behind Pasta Louise, which is another dreamy spot for any celebration. I’m photographing a wedding reception there in January and cannot wait!
Bar Louise → Prospect Park
Once the bar filled and opened for the afternoon, we wandered over to Prospect Park to catch that late-fall light and peak fiery foliage. They danced under the trees, sprawled in the grass, and dipped each other dramatically (10/10 commitment).
Their all-black outfits looked stunning against the fall colors, and I swear every single photo looked like a movie still. Not because we were trying to make it cinematic—just because their chemistry and comfort with each other made it feel cinematic. That’s the real magic.
Planning Your Own Bar Engagement Photos in NYC or Brooklyn
Your engagement photos don’t need to look like anyone else’s. They don’t need a sweeping vista or a choreographed pose. They can just be you, your person, and whatever snack, drink, or place feels like your personality.
Let’s ditch the stiff poses and do something that makes you feel like your hottest, happiest, most in-love selves. Bar hang? City stroll? Late-night diner vibes? I’m in.
Reach out to book your Brooklyn (or beyond) engagement session!
The Ivy at Ellis Preserve Wedding in Philadelphia
If you’re dreaming about an Ellis Preserve wedding that feels less like a formal production and more like a warm, glittery explosion of community, queerness, and dance-floor mayhem… hi, welcome, come on in. This is the one.
You know those weddings that just feel like a party from start to finish? Where you’re laughing during the vows, the dance floor is packed all night, and somehow you leave with a handful of new best friends? That was exactly what went down at Kathleen and Alex’s wedding!
Their day was big, bold, and bursting with joy. In other words, it was a dream day with two of the best people I’ve had the honor of photographing. Also, this wedding was the perfect example of why I adore shooting with my videographer bestie Emilia of Fat Chix Inc. We actually run a studio together, and basically share a brain at this point. When you hire us both? It’s like booking your dream queer wedding dream team / professional hype crew / built-in BFFs.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.
The Ivy at Ellis Preserve: A Venue That Actually Gets Light Right
The Ivy at Ellis Preserve is one of those Philly venues that actually lives up to the hype. The ballroom is massive. It is two stories tall, with warm lighting, mirrored details, and jaw-dropping chandeliers. It’s got that perfect combo of elegance and warmth that makes everything feel elevated without being stuffy.
The venue has:
A massive ballroom with tall ceilings and glowing chandeliers
Floor-to-ceiling windows for portraits (absolute perfection)
Dark, moody interior spaces that make colors pop
Outdoor spots for first looks and family moments
The Ivy at Ellis Preserve is great for large weddings of up to 350 people for a seated wedding or up to 500 people for cocktail-style events.
Getting Ready + First Looks
Alex and Kathleen got ready separately with their friends and family. I love documenting all the moments of anticipation and the tenderness of your mom helping you put on your shoes. There were so many sweet, emotional moments, but I absolutely lived for the big reveal of when these two saw each other for the first time ahead of their day.
One of my fave moments of the day included a great scream sing-a-long to How to Save a Life by The Fray with the whole big wedding party in the getting ready suite ahead of the ceremony! (10/10, highly recommend this as a pre-ceremony ritual.)
Ceremony Shenanigans & Sweetness
You know how sometimes a tiny moment becomes the core memory of the entire day? The ceremony was intimate, heartfelt, and emotional, yet… In the middle of the ceremony, someone at the venue accidentally connected their phone to the audio system, and “…Baby One More Time” started playing at full volume.
Kathleen and Alex LOST it.
Is it a traditional ceremony moment? No. Is it exactly the kind of perfectly imperfect wedding chaos that I live for? Absolutely yes.
Stunning Ellis Preserve Wedding Portraits
We used the venue’s floor-to-ceiling windows for portraits, and they came out incredible. Soft, directional light. Gorgeous shadows. Clean backdrops.
These two were so sweet and tender with each other, yet also couldn’t contain their laughter. We also managed to sneak some quiet time in the reception space before it filled up with their people. It was quiet, intimate, and grounding before the rest of the party truly kicked off.
Super Lit Ellis Preserve Wedding Reception
If you’ve never seen 200 people absolutely obliterate a dance floor in a golden-lit ballroom, let me change that for you. This was one of the bigger weddings I photographed this year, and damn did they bring the energy. The dance floor was absolutely popping all night long.
Ivy at Ellis Preserve’s reception space is STUNNING at night — chandeliers glowing, warm ambience everywhere, and enough space for a genuinely unhinged dance party. The second the DJ started, the floor filled and never emptied.
But, of course, there was more to the night than just dancing. That cake-cutting moment? Sweet, silly, and filled with those quiet glances between two people who just really, really love each other.
The whole night was perfection through and through, and I know I’ll be thinking about this night forever.
Testimonial
"I could write a dissertation on how much we enjoyed working with Caroline for our queer wedding, but I’ll cut to the important stuff. Caroline is an absolute pro, delivering incredible, truly memorable photos. But it’s really about what went into that. It’s more than an eye & editing, which Caroline is incredible at. It boils down to how comfortable they made us feel, doing something we usually loathe.
They made it so easy to have fun, relax & be ourselves with each other. Having Caroline around on wedding day felt like being with another friend. And the results are something we will cherish for the rest of our lives. This applies to both our engagement shoot & wedding photos we’ve received so far. We are down in Philly and would do it all again (including going up to Brooklyn for our engagement shoot). Thank you, lesbian wedding Reddit, for pointing us to the best!"
TL;DR: The Ellis Preserve Wedding You Wish You Were At
Kathleen and Alex’s Ellis Preserve wedding was the kind of day that reminds you why you do this work. It was loud and loving and so beautifully them. I left with sore feet, a full heart, and a few more people I can now call friends.
This wedding was peak BFF vibes. Kathleen, Alex, Emilia, and I all became such fast friends that the day after the wedding, we were texting about how sad we were it was over and scheming our next hangout. That’s the kind of energy I live for.
And if you’re looking for a queer wedding photographer who’s fully on board for the weird, the wonderful, and the wildly personal, I’m here for it. Ready to make some magic — and maybe become besties in the process? Get in touch and let’s plan your Philadelphia wedding next!
P.S. I shot Kathleen & Alex’s engagement session in late 2024, and I swear it unlocked something in my brain. We spent the afternoon at Bar Louise, drinking dirty martinis and eating oysters. It’s one of my all-time favorites, and you can check it out here!
Vendors
Venue: The Ivy at Ellis Preserve
Florist: Creations by Coppola
DJ: DJ Xtina
Videography: Emilia at FatChixInc
Rings: Emily Chelsea Jewelry
Best Places to Find Gender Neutral Wedding Outfits in NYC
Let’s get one thing straight: you can wear whatever the fuck you want to your wedding.
Tulle or tweed. A three-piece suit with a corset top. A silk gown with combat boots. Nothing should feel off-limits just because it doesn’t check the “bride” or “groom” box.
If the wedding industry still hasn’t caught up to the reality that gender is not a dress code, that’s not your problem. That’s their lack of imagination.
Luckily, NYC is stacked with designers and shops who do get it—folks who aren’t trying to force your body into a binary, but instead create art that fits who you are. Whether you’re after a tailored suit, a dramatic gown, or something that doesn’t even fit those categories, here are some of the best places in NYC to find gender neutral wedding outfits.
Watson Ellis
Custom suiting for women, non-binary folks, and anyone who’s ever felt overlooked at a traditional tailor.
Watson Ellis makes some of the best suits in the city, full stop. Designed by and for people who don’t see themselves in the men’s department—or the women’s, for that matter. The attention to fit is chef’s kiss, and their approach is all about celebrating who you are without compromise.
Bindle & Keep
Luxurious custom suits for all genders, all bodies, all vibes.
Bindle & Keep’s Brooklyn studio is a haven for anyone looking to create something bespoke and bold. You’ve probably seen their work on red carpets or queer fashion features, and for good reason… their suits are just that good.
Loulette Bride
Brooklyn-based bridalwear that’s romantic and rebellious.
Loulette is all about inclusive sizing, diverse representation, and de-gendering the bridal experience. Their gowns are dreamy made with delicate fabrics, modern silhouettes, and zero pressure to be anything but yourself. Plus, for every gown sold, they plant a tree, which is a nice touch!
The Tailory NYC
Tailored suits, statement pieces, and bold fashion for all.
The Tailory merges bespoke suiting with high fashion. Their pieces lean into dramatic draping, modern structure, and androgynous elegance. They work with clients of all gender identities, and the vibe is very much: powerful, polished, and ready to slay your wedding day.
Kirrin Finch
Brooklyn-based brand making suiting actually made for women, trans, and nonbinary bodies.
Kirrin Finch said “what if masculine styles didn’t mean squeezing into something built for a different body?” and then did something about it. Okay, this is NOT a direct quote, but that’s essentially what the brand is all about. Their pieces are built from scratch and not simply adapted from menswear patterns. And the difference shows! Sharp, clean lines, no weird shoulder pads, and fabrics that feel good.
Christian Siriano
High fashion. Couture. Gender? Optional.
Christian Siriano is a whole moment. He’s dressed Billy Porter, Sam Smith, and a host of nonbinary celebs in gowns that shatter every rule the fashion industry tries to enforce. While his pieces are high-end couture and not wedding-shop-ready, if you want something extra and have the budget to match, this is the place to dream big.
Queera Wang
The name alone deserves a standing ovation.
Queera Wang is a queer-owned brand making gender-neutral formalwear that’s sharp, artistic, and unapologetic. While they don’t currently have actual retailers, their designs are pure inspiration if you’re looking to shake off every last drop of bridal/suit binary energy.
Honorable Mentions: Gender Neutral Wedding Outfits Outside of NYC
Your dream outfit may or may not be local, so here are a few honorable mentions across the country.
Sharpe Suiting (LA) – Red carpet-worthy custom suits for all genders and all bodies. They have an amazing selection of colors and fabrics, plus, being LA-based, they may or may not have dressed someone you know.
House of Breton (Indiana) – All-custom, all-genders. They are the epitome of throw-out-the-playbook-and-do-whatever-you-want for your wedding attire.
Wildfang (PDX) – Gender-neutral jumpsuits, suits, and separates in wild colors and bold prints.
Addicted Bespoken – Amazing handmade, made-to-measure embroidered suiting, that is, of course, gender-inclusive. While they do a lot of colorful and bright western style attire, they do custom work fitting your style, as well!
Duchess Clothier (Oregon) – Timeless gender-inclusive suits made for expression, not assimilation.
Queer Wedding Fashion Is Elite
Your wedding day isn’t about following the rules. It’s about showing up as your fullest, fiercest self. And that includes your outfit.
Whether that means a black velvet tux, a gold sequined cape, a gown with pockets, or something the wedding industrial complex hasn’t even dreamed up yet—you deserve to feel fucking phenomenal.
Ready to Break the Mold and Document Your Day Without the Gender Binary Bullshit?
I’m Caroline—a queer NYC-based photographer who captures weddings that feel like you.
👉 Reach out to start planning your wedding day.
And if you liked this blog, you’ll also love my Queer Photographer's Guide to Planning Your Wedding (Without All the Gendered Bullshit).
A Queer Photographer's Guide to Planning Your Wedding (Without All the Gendered Bullshit)
Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of you. But if you’re queer—or just not super into being crammed into a traditional gender box—the whole wedding industrial complex can feel like a minefield of outdated roles, awkward assumptions, and straight-up nonsense.
From the second you get engaged (and even before), you’re bombarded with messaging about “the bride and groom”, about “her dress” and “his suit”, and about a million things that don’t apply, or even actively feel gross for queer couples.
If you’ve found yourself side-eyeing vendor forms that assume there’s a “bride’s family” and a “groom’s family,” or touring venues with a frilly, all-white “bridal suite” and a cigar-filled “groom’s lounge”…yeah. You’re not imagining it.
The wedding industry is soaked in gendered nonsense. But you don’t have to translate your love story into a script that was never written for you. You can toss out any part of the wedding process that doesn’t feel like yours.
This is your guide to planning a wedding that actually feels like you, without the gender binary bullshit. Whether you’re queer, trans, nonbinary, or just not into roles that don’t fit—this one’s for you.
Step Zero: De-Gendering Your Proposal & Engagement
The assumptions start before the ring even hits the finger.
Mainstream wedding culture assumes a man is going to propose to a woman with a surprise diamond ring. But what if neither of you is a man? What if you both want rings? What if surprise proposals aren’t your jam?
Talk to your partner. Decide together what engagement looks like for you. None of this has to follow the "man gets down on one knee" format. Do you want to plan it together? Both propose to each other? Is surprise important? Is it important for one particular person to do the proposal? Who will receive an engagement ring? Who will pick out that ring? What actually feels romantic and resonant when you picture that event?
Whatever feels right, do that.
Funding the Wedding
Another dusty-ass tradition? The idea that the bride’s family is supposed to foot the bill.
That model might not apply to you! Maybe you're both contributing, or maybe both of your families are chipping in. Maybe you’re eloping with just a handful of people and spending your budget on pizza and tattoos instead of chair covers.
Discuss finances with your partner and anyone else who’s contributing. Who’s paying for what, and why? Having a solid idea for your budget and how you’re planning to pay for things is a solid step one in the whole wedding planning process.
Hire Vendors Who Actually Get It
There’s a big difference between “queer-friendly” and actually queer.
Queer-friendly vendors are certainly a step in the right direction in that they are not discriminatory, but having vendors who are actually queer themselves or serve *primarily* queer client bases are less likely to have certain gender BS baked into their practices without even knowing it.
They’re more likely to use de-gendered language, be attuned to pronouns, and understand the dynamics of queer love without needing a crash course.
Look for vendors who:
Ask for your names instead of bride/groom
Respect your pronouns without flinching
Don’t assume a bouquet toss or a first dance is happening
Share values that resonate with you
Queer vendors don’t just “include” you, they SEE you, and that matters!
Wardrobe = Wear Whatever the Hell You Want
All wardrobe is for all genders. Period. Wedding dresses aren’t just for women. Suits aren’t just for men. Bouquets aren’t just for “brides.” Hair and makeup shouldn’t only be offered to femmes.
Whether you want a suit, a jumpsuit, a colored gown, or sequined coveralls, if it makes you feel powerful, hot, and like you, it belongs. You can also opt in or out of any of the traditional wedding accessories. For instance, I love wedding dresses, but veils and bouquets aren't really my thing, so I'm skipping those at my own wedding.
Bonus tip: work with designers or shops that specialize in queer, nonbinary, and trans clients, and showcase diverse models in their materials. They’ll know how to fit your body and your gender identity.
Ditch the Gender Roles in Wedding Parties + Pre-Wedding Events
No one needs to be assigned to a “side.”
You can skip the bridesmaids/groomsmen divide. You can call them your “wedding crew,” your “ride-or-dies,” or nothing at all. You can all get ready together, throw a mixed-gender pre-wedding bash, or spend the morning soaking in a quiet bath solo. You’re not obligated to separate your people by gender for any part of this.
Want someone to stand beside you on your wedding day? You don’t have to default to “maid of honor” or “best man”. Just pick whoever you’d like beside you!
Your Ceremony Script
“You may now kiss the bride.”? Hard pass. The bride walks down the aisle to be “given away” by her dad, if that’s relevant and what you want, sure.
You get to write your own ceremony script, or work with an officiant who gets you. Decide who (if anyone) walks down the aisle, who stands with you, and what language reflects your love.
Queer the Reception, Too
Will you and your partner do a first dance? Who will twirl whom around when you're out on the dance floor? If you don't like the traditional father-daughter/mother-son pairings for parent dances, how can you mix it up to make it feel more like you?
You don’t need a bouquet toss. You don’t need a first dance. You don’t need to assign gendered roles to parent dances. You can change clothes midway through the night. You can skip dinner and have a dance party in a club. You can have a silent disco, a bubble machine, and a late-night dip in a pool.
Whatever feels like you is valid. If it makes you feel like you’re performing for an audience? Toss it.
Legal Shit & Name Changes
Who (if anyone) is changing their name? Why? What does that represent for you? Consider pronouns, prefixes (Mr./Mx./none at all), and what will feel most affirming in your new chapter. And if you’re doing legal paperwork like a prenup, make sure it reflects the true dynamics of your partnership—not outdated gender roles about labor, earning, or ownership.
You get to build a marriage that works for your actual lives, not just what a form says.
You Can Do Whatever the F*ck You Want
The wedding industry will try to tell you what you have to do. So will well-meaning friends and family. And Instagram. And Pinterest. And vendors who “don’t mean anything by it.”
You don’t owe anyone shit.
Every piece of your wedding can be chosen. Or not. The only thing you’re obligated to do is marry the person you love (assuming you want to). Everything else is optional.
De-gendering your wedding isn’t just about rejecting tradition. It’s about reclaiming space. It’s about building a day that sees you, celebrates you, and feels fucking awesome to live inside of.
The more we collectively de-gender weddings, the more space we make for future queer love stories to unfold without friction, confusion, or compromise.
This is your permission slip to rip up the playbook.
And if you’re looking for a wedding photographer who gets it, I’m right here and I’d love to hear from you!
Playful Greenpoint Loft Wedding in Brooklyn, NY
If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when two fabulous peeps toss tradition out the window and throw a Broadway-infused, candy-fueled rooftop rager instead, then welcome to Madison and Collette’s Greenpoint Loft wedding.
This day was playful, irreverent, delightfully kitschy, and absolutely packed with personality. Think elaborate custom ballgowns, fruity schnapps, Cheez-Its at cocktail hour, and an escape room-style game. Yes, really.
Why Greenpoint Loft Was the Perfect Venue Choice
Greenpoint Loft is one of my favorite wedding venues in NYC, where industrial-rustic meets airy elegance. It’s a two-story converted warehouse with sky-high ceilings, oversized windows that flood the space with natural light, and one of the best rooftop views of the Manhattan skyline around.
Greenpoint Loft is perfect for couples who want space to play with design without having to “pretty up” a dark ballroom or fight against venue aesthetics that don’t match their vision.
Max capacity: 185 guests
Rooftop for ceremonies, cocktail hours, and skyline vibes
Greenpoint Loft Wedding Cost: It depends on your event and the day of the week. Current pricing is as follows: Mon–Thurs, $6,000+; Fri, $8,000; Sat, $9,500; Sun, $7,000. Always double-check with the venue for specific and up-to-date pricing for your event.
Fun & Unique Details for Their Greenpoint Loft Wedding
Madison and Collette weren’t interested in a stiff, highbrow wedding experience, and thank fuck for that, because what they pulled off instead was infinitely better. Some of my favorite highlights:
Broadway playbill-style wedding programs (because of course) and a full-on Broadway sing-along that broke out on the dance floor to close the night.
Rooftop schnapps toast to kick off the party! They toasted the ceremony with mini bottles of 99 Brand schnapps. If you’re not familiar with them, they are these nostalgic, slightly chaotic little candy-flavored shots!
They did “Bodega Bites” for their cocktail hour. Think Cheez-Its, mini cookies, and other classic snack-pack nostalgia. Because who needs caviar when you have nostalgia and carbs?
An interactive escape-room-meets-scavenger-hunt game created by Madison (who is also an event planner). It added a dose of silliness and surprise, keeping the guests laughing and exploring all night.
Let’s Talk About Those Dresses
Madison and Collette wore absolutely showstopping custom ballgowns designed and handmade by their friend (@edouardoromainstudio). They were elaborate, theatrical, and so perfectly them. One gown was even converted into a jumpsuit for the reception, truly a queer fashion dream.
The combined width of their gowns was so glorious that they actually had to practice the aisle walk before the ceremony to make sure they could fit side-by-side. Iconic.
Golden Hour on the Rooftop
We took full advantage of the rooftop at golden hour, which is one of the biggest perks of Greenpoint Loft. Natural light, skyline backdrop, and enough space for toasts, games, and spontaneous dance parties? Yes please.
This wedding is the kind I live for! It was one that doesn’t try to be anyone else’s version of perfect. Madison and Collette brought themselves, their community, and their irreverent, loving energy to the forefront, and the result was pure queer joy.
Planning a Greenpoint Loft Wedding?
If you’re looking for a NYC wedding venue that gives you full creative freedom, Greenpoint Loft is the one.
And if you want photos that don’t turn your day into a styled shoot? I’ve got you. I’ll be there for the big feelings, the weird traditions, the chosen family hugs, and whatever else makes your wedding day yours.
I’m Caroline, your queer documentary wedding photographer in NYC, and I’d love to hear from you. Reach out here to inquire with me about your NYC wedding!
What Working with a Documentary Wedding Photographer Actually Looks Like
In today’s wedding photography world, there’s a massive emphasis on curating your wedding as a primarily aesthetic experience. So many couples find themselves in situations where they feel they’re planning a “photo performance” rather than a wedding.
What started as a celebration of love and life has, in many corners of the industry, been distorted into a day of staging “candid” moments that are, in fact, highly orchestrated, contrived performances for the camera.
And a lot of couples are turned off by that. Rightfully.
If you’re more interested in actually experiencing your wedding day than performing it, documentary wedding photography might be the right fit for you.
Your Wedding Experience Is More Important Than Your Photographer’s Portfolio
Modern wedding photography has become, frankly, a little unhinged.
Weddings are increasingly being planned for the photos, and I don’t mean it in a cute “we’ll want to remember this” kind of way. I mean, vendors and timelines being chosen solely to serve the aesthetic of a photographer’s portfolio. Moments being staged to look candid. Couples being directed into picture-perfect poses that have zero grounding in who they are or how they actually connect.
You deserve a photographer who prioritizes your vision and your experience, and NOT someone who’s trying to build a Pinterest-perfect portfolio off your wedding day.
A documentary-style photographer isn’t going to pull you away from your community, stage intimate moments, or chase the best light at the expense of your memories.
My goal is to simply show up, witness your love, and capture what actually happens.
Your wedding experience > my portfolio. Always.
Everyone on Your Vendor Team Needs to Be on the Same Page
It's important to have *all* of your wedding vendors on board with the documentary-style approach to your photography, even though it may seem like it's only about your photographer's style.
Even if you’re working with a photographer who takes a documentary approach, if your planner, day-of coordinator, or stylist is used to working with traditional photographers, they might unintentionally start stage-directing moments for the camera.
This is usually well-meaning, as coordinators are used to the formulas most photographers follow and often think they’re helping. But if your priority is real, candid documentation, it’s really important to let your vendors know that upfront. Set the tone early!
“Fuck Flattering” aka What Documentary Photography Really Looks Like
Listen. If you want photos where you never have a double chin, a strand of hair out of place, or your eyes half-closed, this may not be the approach for you.
But if you want photos where you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe, crying on your sibling’s shoulder, laughing so hard your whole body folds over, dancing like an unhinged goblin at 11 pm, or throwing your head back mid-dance to a terrible karaoke rendition of “Since U Been Gone”... that’s where the gold is.
Documentary wedding photography embraces the messy, beautiful realness of being alive. The last thing you should be worrying about is your chin angle
And honestly? That’s way more flattering than any pose will ever be.
Real Moments Don’t Always Happen in Perfect Light
Perfect light is great. But real life doesn’t always wait for the perfect conditions.
I will never stop a real moment so I can move it into better light. I’m not going to interrupt a conversation so I can turn your body 20 degrees toward a window. I’m not going to ask you to recreate a moment just because it happened in the “wrong” part of the room.
The light will be what it will be. And it’ll all still be beautiful because you’re in it.
Plan Your Wedding Like There Won’t Be a Photographer
Seriously. Pretend I’m not coming. Plan your wedding based on what you want it to look and feel like, not what you think will photograph well.
We can absolutely set aside 30 minutes for some portraits or family photos if that’s important to you. But you don’t need to block off hours of your timeline just to accommodate a shot list you don’t care about. We can get everything we need without disrupting the flow of your day!
Golden Hour Isn’t Everything
This may be an unpopular opinion since a lot of wedding photographers insist on golden hour portraits. But golden hour tends to happen during the same time that cocktail hour or reception is going on. That means if you want golden hour photos, you may end up being pulled away from parts of your cocktail hour or reception.
Many of my clients who are drawn to documentary-style wedding photography want to be fully present for all the parts of their wedding they've spent so much time, energy, and money planning (and get to eat all those delicious, expensive hors d’oeuvres that are being passed around!).
You can have stunning photographs of your wedding day without getting golden hour portraits – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise :) If your photographer knows what they’re doing with a camera, they’ll be able to get amazing photos in any lighting conditions.
Ditch the Shot List
Shot lists assume you know in advance what will be meaningful. But documentary wedding photography is about staying open to surprise and letting the real, special stuff reveal itself.
My most interesting, memorable, and beautiful photos on wedding days don’t come from a shot list – they come from moments that I could not in my wildest dreams have orchestrated on my own!
Yes, I’ll Still Help You When You Need It
Just because I shoot documentary-style doesn’t mean I’ll leave you hanging. If we’re doing family portraits, I’ll guide you through them. If you want a few couples’ portraits but need help easing into it, I’ve got you.
But I’m not going to micromanage every finger placement or head tilt. There’s a difference between gently facilitating a moment (“sit here and snuggle up however feels natural”) and constructing one from scratch (“hold her this way, tilt your head, now kiss”).
I usually aim for something like 90% documentary, 10% gentle direction—enough to make you feel supported, but not staged.
Not Every Moment Will Get Captured, And That’s Okay Too
Working with a documentary wedding photographer means that some amazing moments that you can’t even anticipate will get documented. It also means that not every moment of the wedding day will be captured – and that’s okay!
Your photographer might be off capturing some amazing Giant Jenga game unfolding among the gaggle of 12-year-old nieces when you and your new spouse are sharing a kiss on the other side of the cocktail hour.
That doesn’t mean you have to recreate that kiss for your photographer when they get back. Nor does it mean you should wait for your photographer to be present to do anything special or meaningful; some of these special moments will happen outside the line of sight of your photographer, and that’s okay.
Just because every single moment isn’t captured in photos doesn’t mean you won’t remember them!
P.S. Even non-documentary photographers might miss some moments; there is a lot going on at the same time on your wedding day!
Presence > Performance
When you work with a documentary photographer, you’re choosing presence over perfection & performance.
It means trusting that the most meaningful parts of your wedding can’t be choreographed, and that’s what makes them beautiful.
You get to experience your day. I’ll take care of remembering it for you.
If this approach sounds like something you’d love to have for your own wedding day, then hey I’m Caroline, your queer documentary wedding photographer in NYC, and I’d love to hear from you. Reach out here to inquire, and let’s dream up your day together!
Brooklyn Botanic Garden Wedding at the Cherry Blossom Esplanade
This spring wedding at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden took place under what can only be described as a heavenly canopy of cherry blossoms. Their day was a Studio Ghibli-level dreamscape with soft petals falling in the breeze, trees absolutely bursting with pink, and golden light filtering through in a way that made the air feel pink.
If you’re planning a Brooklyn Botanic Garden wedding and wondering whether cherry blossom season is worth the gamble… yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
Why Choose the Brooklyn Botanic Garden for Your Wedding
Located right in the heart of Brooklyn, the Botanic Gardens is one of the most iconic outdoor wedding venues in NYC. It offers couples the rare chance to feel connected to nature and the seasons in a city where that can be difficult sometimes!
Plus, the garden itself doesn’t need much additional decor. The nature is the decor. Especially during springtime, when everything is blooming, there’s a feeling of being inside a living, breathing work of art.
J and A’s wedding landed right in that peak Cherry Blossom window. After days of rain, the skies cleared just in time, and theirs ended up being the only true full-bloom cherry blossom wedding of the season.
Brooklyn Botanic Garden Wedding Ceremony
Here’s what you need to know about planning your ceremony under the cherry blossoms at the Esplanade, or one of the other Gardens’ beautiful gardens. Ceremony bookings at BBG are limited to early morning only and are wildly popular. You’ll want to plan ahead (like, way ahead) to snag a spot during peak bloom season.
The Garden allows just two ceremonies per weekend day, and they need to wrap up by 10 a.m.
Some quick logistics:
Ceremony permit: $628 for up to 50 guests
Max capacity: 60 guests total ($628 for up to 50 people + an additional 10 guests at a cost of $22 per person)
No indoor backups, so bring umbrellas or good vibes.
You can pick from several ceremony locations: Fragrance Garden, Japanese Hill-and-Pond Garden, Osborne Garden, Plant Family Collection, Rose Garden, or Water Garden, based upon availability.
Always double-check the most up-to-date information about their Garden ceremonies on their site!
J and A’s ceremony took place under the cherry blossom trees with no need for arches or fancy structures. It was just two people in love, surrounded by their people and nature doing its thing. If you’re looking for a city wedding that doesn’t feel like a “city wedding,” BBG might be your spot.
Just a Little Bit Punk
The bride wore a floral brocade dress that beautifully echoed the cherry blossoms. Then she threw on a leather jacket and sunglasses, looking cool as hell. Absolute main character energy. The perfect blend of softness and edge.
Brooklyn Botanic Gardens Wedding Reception at the Atrium
The outdoor ceremony was followed by an indoor reception in the Garden's dramatic glass-walled Atrium. It is a bright and modern reception space with floor-to-ceiling windows, string lights, and sunset glow bouncing off wine glasses. The Atrium looks right onto the Cherry Esplanade, so you could still see the pink blooms from indoors!
And if you’re planning your reception here, the Atrium can accommodate up to 125 guests for the celebration.
Couple’s Testimonial
"Caroline did such an amazing job at our wedding! We were on the same page from the start about the kind of moments I wanted to capture (and what I didn’t want — clichéd shots and gender norms). They were super receptive, patient, and collaborated really well with our other vendors. Caroline is authentic and a pleasure to work with. The photos from our wedding were absolutely out of this world and a testament to Caroline’s skill and style."
Planning Your Own Brooklyn Botanic Garden Wedding?
When you're getting married in a place this stunning, with light this rare and love this tangible, you don't want to spend the day staging shit. You want someone who knows how to see it—and feel it with you.
I photograph weddings documentary-style, which means I won’t be yelling poses or interrupting your vows for a better angle. I’ll be in it with you—catching the way the petals land in your hair, the warmth of the light on your guests’ faces, and the joy that lives between the moments.
If this approach sounds like something you’d love to have for your own wedding day, then hey, I’m Caroline, your queer documentary wedding photographer in NYC, and I’d love to hear from you. Reach out here to inquire, and let’s dream up your day together!
Vendors
Venue: Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Photography: Me, Caroline King
Florals: Marigolds
Planning: Sarah Glowacki Events
Funky Queer Halloween Elopement in Brooklyn, NY
It’s Halloween night in Brooklyn. Everyone’s in costume. There’s jazz blasting from a neon-lit stage, a leather flogger flying through the air like a kinky bouquet, and two radiant brides making out in a velvet booth under a disco ball.
Welcome to Jing & Lea’s spooky queer Halloween elopement.
A Non-Traditional Queer Halloween Elopement That Was All Vibes
Lea had been a past boudoir client of mine, so when she reached out with the subject line “spooky dyke Halloween elopement”, I didn’t even need to read the rest—I was in.
The day started with a private courthouse ceremony (not photographed), and then I joined them for what can only be described as the most deliciously queer, untraditional, and funk-filled elopement reception ever.
It started with a cocktail hour at The Turk’s Inn, an eclectic retro paradise in Bushwick, followed by a swingin’ jazz concert at The Sultan Room next door.
They showed up dressed like from Gatsby’s dream. It gave vintage glam, meeting goth femme. Jing in a stunning red qipao with black lace gloves. Lea in a sheer beaded gown and pearl headpiece with fingerless white gloves to match.
A Funky, Retro Venue That Basically Stole the Show
The Turk's Inn space is an eclectic, sexy space with ENORMOUSLY photogenic decor and furniture. It’s a maximalist dream with 70s-inspired design, saturated colors, shag carpets, beaded curtains, conversation pits, colorful leather booths, funky mirrors, and velvet. I want to photograph in this space forever!!
We did a full-on photo romp through the bar before guests arrived. Jing and Lea were very into the costume-y, stylized, flirty energy of the space, and leaned all the way in. Think sultry glances through beaded curtains, flirting at the bar, cozying up in booths, clinking cocktail glasses, plus some retro glam poses.
The Halloween Elopement Cocktail Hour, aka Sexy Conversation Pit Cuddle Puddle
Instead of a formal sit-down dinner, the couple hosted a Halloween cocktail hour in the conversation pit—a lounge area that became a cuddle puddle of friends in costume, sipping drinks and having fun.
Guests showed up in full Halloween drag, bringing energy that was festive, weird, and perfect. And instead of a bouquet toss? Lea tossed a leather flogger. To me, the photo of that moment looks like it belongs in the Met, somewhere between Renaissance painting and queer club night.
The Reception
The night wrapped up in the Sultan Room, the venue’s music space, where the couple’s friend and her jazz band put on a full concert. The crowd was a mix of friends in costume, couples swing dancing, and folks just vibing in the electric blue stage lights.
Jing and Lea were glowing the whole time, not because of any spotlight, but because they were so deeply themselves.
F The Traditions
If you’re planning a wedding or elopement and thinking, “what if we just did whatever the fuck we wanted?” DO IT! This is your sign!
Jing & Lea’s elopement is proof that you can throw out the rulebook entirely. In fact, light the book on fire and toss the ashes. Whether that means vintage-inspired fashion, spooky queer energy, a conversation pit instead of a reception hall, or a flogger in place of a bouquet—you’re allowed to make your own traditions.
And if you’re looking for a queer wedding photographer who’s fully on board for the weird, the wonderful, and the wildly personal, I’m here for it. I’ll show up, document the hell out of it, and I’ll never ask you to act like someone you’re not.
Reach out to book your Brooklyn elopement photographer for a day that’s all about you.
In Defense of Posting Your Nudes on the Internet
It’s not bad to post nudes of yourself on the internet. There I said it.
It’s not bad to post nudes of yourself on the internet. There I said it.
I am a firm believer that nudity is not something that we have to keep private, save only for people we are romantically or sexually involved with, or inherently regard as sexual. Furthermore, even with respect to photos that are inherently sensual or sexual in nature, I still don’t believe that the world seeing us as sensual, sexual beings is a threat to our respectability, our humanity, or our professionalism.
Liora K Photography takes all my best nudes.
There. Now you’ve seen me naked.
How are you feeling?
I’m feeling pretty much the same. Actually, I feel closer to you, reader! You now know what the cool textural landscape of my armpit hair and stretch marks and scars from my breast reduction looks like up close, you can study the shape of the lumpy underside of them from where the surgeon rearranged all that breast tissue, you can even trace the lil squiggly vein that became visible on the bottom of one of them after my surgery.
How special!
You know what I’m not feeling now that you’ve seen me naked? Diminished or violated in any way. It turns out the two aren’t intrinsically connected!
I have been posting revealing photos of myself on the internet for years, and when I first started, I’ll admit it was scary! It’s insanely vulnerable, you have no idea if you’re going to face backlash, and you feel quite literally so effing exposed. But I immediately found that it became easier and more comfortable the more I did it. The more I shared of myself, and the more I tangibly saw that the world didn’t end when I did it, and the more I could focus on the positive things I was getting out of it instead of the Big Scary Regrets I was always told I would feel, the more free and powerful I felt.
I think there are a lot of reasons why sharing your body with the world can be incredibly valuable, but for some reason all we ever hear about is what the dangers, downsides, and terrible consequences of sharing your nudes on the internet are.
So let’s talk about some of the reasons why I think you should, if you want to, share your nudes with the world.
Seeing Bodies That Look Like Ours is Healing
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone comment on a photo of a client that I have shared and say something like, “Oh my god this is what my body looks like, I never see people with [insert feature here], it’s so amazing to see someone else with a body like this.”
If we rely on commercial representations of what bodies look like to determine our sense of what is normal, well, I think we all know how that ends.
The bodies that we are shown in most media represent an extremely narrow slice of the population. In fact, they barely represent them, given how edited and distorted and airbrushed those photos are. If we are going to rewrite our sense of what kinds of bodies are normal, we are going to have to share our own with each other.
When I was younger, I went through a pretty substantial phase of what I would now retrospectively describe as an eating disorder. It’s one that is extremely familiar to people my age and younger — orthorexia. This particular form of disordered eating involves an obsession with health and nutrition as the root of the neurosis, and it is often paired with an exercise obsession for a neat little package of absolutely garbage beliefs and behaviors masked as a commitment to health, fitness, and wellness. It’s a sneaky one because it’s pitched to us as a virtuous way of loving our bodies by caring for them, when in reality it’s just a barely-veiled toolset for disparaging and punishing them.
One of my most obsessive behaviors was scrolling for hours and hours and hours and hours through “fitspo” (short for “fitspiration”) content on Tumblr and Pinterest. If you’re lucky enough to have made it through your life without knowing what fitspo is, it’s basically just pictures of people with Super Hot Bods, in the traditional sense, that are supposed to serve as inspiration for you to stare at and feel a sense of purpose and motivation. Spoiler alert: this is Very Bad.
In my eating disorder recovery, one of the most instrumental steps I took was to do a complete audit and makeover of my social media feeds. I went through and unfollowed every account that even halfway reminded me of this kind of content, and I purposely sought out and followed people with diverse bodies. Suddenly, my feeds were flooded with all sorts of bodies, some of which looked like mine and some of which didn’t, and every time I opened my social media accounts my sense of what was normal was recalibrated a little more. Over time, this kind of consistent exposure to bodies of all kinds re-wrote my implicit default sense of what bodies look like.
Today’s analog of fitspo Tumblr is just…the entirety of influencer internet. We are flooded with images of a very specific type of face and body, and given the flaming hellscape that is the arbitrary and unequal enforcement of community standards, certain kinds of bodies are censored far more than others. Especially when it comes to sexy and/or revealing imagery, if we let the algorithms decide what our sense of normalcy is, it’s no wonder most of us have such a warped understanding of what bodies and sexuality are and should be like.
When I first started posting revealing photos of myself on the internet, it was only because I had seen other people who look like me do it that I felt emboldened to do so. When my clients and followers say that seeing photos of other people’s bodies makes them feel empowered not only to share their own photos, but to shift how they think about their own bodies, it makes me feel like I am part of a magical, vibrant, varied, unshakeable community. Sharing your nudes is doing the lord’s work (no seriously).
Increasing Your (Naked) Freedom in Your Body Can Help You Embrace Body Neutrality
One of the most interesting things I have noticed since having more and more people see me naked (and being in a career where I see tons of other people naked all the time) is how it has contributed to an overall sense of neutrality about my body. Of course, seeing bodies and having people see mine makes me feel warm and fuzzy and full of love for all of our beautiful forms, but it has also just made so many things about bodies feel sort of…unremarkable? In a good way!
When we hide our bodies all the time, we build up an inherent sense of significance and value about what is underneath, and moments of exposure of that hidden territory (intentional or unintentional) can feel so much more laden with value judgment than they otherwise would be. If no one has ever seen my bare stomach and then suddenly it is exposed when I reach for something on a high shelf, my first thought is going to be “oh my god that is uncharted territory for these people to see….what must they think about it?” There is suddenly an acute sense of control over how people are perceiving my body, and I might suddenly worry about how to best present it so that it looks good when they do see it.
This is further exacerbated if I have an implicit belief that my particular body part is weird or abnormal in some way. Now, not only are they seeing some part of my body for the first time, they are seeing a weird version of that body part. “I never see people with [insert body part here] that looks like mine, so mine must be extra worthy of attention and scrutiny when it is revealed!!”
But being immersed in a world where bodies, my own and others, are exposed all the time actually sort of diminishes my sense of the significance of whatever my particular body parts look like. I have seen one zillion boobs of all shapes and sizes and textures and colors, so the particular details of mine don’t stand out in one way or another, good or bad, in my mind. I have seen so many people’s bodies that look so vastly different that when my body changes in some way and looks more like one kind of body or another, that change feels unremarkable — a mere wave in the ever-shifting ocean of all the bodies that exist.
The goal of feeling better about your body overall is extremely worthy; I hope everyone finds a way to love their body someday. But there’s also such a relief in just letting your body exist. The neutrality that comes from diverse body visibility is such a breath of fresh air, and choosing to share your body with the world can help lift that burden of constant heightened significance and value judgment that keeping it hidden all the time can foster.
The Dangers Are…Unclear At Best
There are a lot of fucking weirdos out there. And it is very important that we protect ourselves from them as best we can.
But I reject that we have to hide our bodies from the world just because some people are fucking weirdos.
In the current digital age where basically anyone can access almost anything about us that we post on the internet, keeping ourselves safe from weirdos is crucial. Not posting information that makes it easier for a weirdo to find you (location information, private data, travel plans, etc.) is a great baseline. Having good safety practices in place when you’re meeting new people (bring a friend to pick up that lamp you found on Facebook marketplace, meet new dates in a public place, pick a spot a few blocks away to hand off your drugs, whatever) is key.
Hiding your boobs? I’m not sure how that one helps.
I think a lot of warnings about the dangers of posting revealing photos of yourself on the internet can be reduced to the following threats: threat of professional or interpersonal repercussions, threat of embarrassment, threat to dignity, and threat of future regret. These are often conflated with true safety concerns, but they’re very different considerations. Of course each person will have to decide how they feel about each of these threats, but here are my own personal feelings about them:
Threat of professional or interpersonal repercussions: In my own personal line of work and personal circle of friends, family, and acquaintances, this is not a big problem. I am a boudoir photographer and my whole life is naked people, so nudity is an extremely unremarkable phenomenon in my world. I am fortunate that my career can really only be helped by the world seeing my boobs. And in my experience, any professional or personal opportunities that are closed to me because the world knows what my boobs look like are not ones that I am interested in.
Now, to be clear, for some people and in some professional domains, there might be very real professional consequences to having revealing photos of themselves on the internet, and it is one hundred percent reasonable to take that into consideration in making this decision. But it isn’t always, obviously true for everyone that having nudes on the internet is a professional death sentence. And for some people (like me), the benefits outweigh the risks and losses. This won’t be true for everyone, but you are allowed to decide that it is for you. And for what it’s worth, almost all of my clients who choose to share their photos on the internet are in different professional fields than I am, so this is not just an idiosyncratic possibility in my own life.
Threat of embarrassment: I actually think the fact that I have shared my own nudes of my own volition makes it harder to embarrass me. Everyone already knows what my pubes look like, you can’t hurt me. Of course, some weirdo could do some shit like photoshop my boobs onto Mitch McConnell’s body or make some sort of deepfake porn of me and a hammerhead shark, but frankly I think they should be more embarrassed by that than I should.
Threat to dignity: My sense of dignity is mine to determine, not someone else’s. I don’t feel undignified because people know what my boobs look like, and if someone else thinks I am undignified I really don’t lose any sleep about it.
Threat of future regret: The internet is forever. Sharing things on the internet means releasing control over being able to undo that decision, and making peace with the possibility that if I change my mind someday about wanting my nudes on the internet I won’t be able to ensure that I can remove them. But I can only make this decision with as much care and thoughtfulness as I make any other permanent decision. I can’t ensure that I will never ever feel differently about it in the future, but we make all sorts of permanent decisions (tattoos, relationships, finances, children) that we can’t ensure we won’t regret in the future; we just have to make the most thoughtful decision we can. There are big and serious and life-changing benefits to sharing your body with the world, and I have decided that those outweigh whatever hypothetical (and, I think, unlikely) regret I could possibly feel in the future.
I won’t attempt a full analysis of the relationship between actual physical safety and posting revealing photos of yourself on the internet, both because I don’t know what the actual statistics are, if any exist, about the relationship between the two, and because each person will have a different personal calculus of the risk/benefit tradeoffs of having their nudes be visible to the public. I also don’t deny that there might be some physical safety considerations that are important to take into account in making the decision. But I will say this: I am not aware of any reputable data that indicates that posting nudes of yourself on the internet significantly increases your risk of personal physical harm, so in my own personal calculus, the benefits I have found of sharing my body on the internet outweigh those hypothetical considerations.
Agency Matters Most
There is a big, big, big, big difference between sharing your own body on the internet on your terms and of your own volition and someone else leaking your nudes without your consent. One is an empowered choice, the other is a sex crime.
I am talking about the first one here.
Making an informed, thoughtful choice to post or allow the posting of photos of your body can be incredibly freeing and empowering. You should be able to have the final say over where and in what manner images of your body are posted. Every client who works with me has full control over the privacy of their images (not even just for boudoir — your headshots are private if you want them to be too!) When you book a boudoir shoot with me, for example, you receive a model release form where you get to select your preferences for who will get to see the photos and in what manner (if any) I am permitted to share them on the internet. Here are the options that every client gets to choose from:
I always want agency to be at the forefront of the entire process because, when given the opportunity, people’s experiences of sharing their bodies with the world consensually and on their terms can be incredibly therapeutic. I never want anyone to feel pressured, of course, but more than that, I want to give them the space to actively choose to share themselves if they have the inclination to. And feel only good about it afterward!
I think that the way that we often talk about the perils of nudes being posted on the internet is quite disempowering. It is so often framed as a thing that happens to people without their consent, rarely as something that people have informed agency about. And even when we talk about it being done consensually, there is this implication of naïveté and vapidness that casts the decision to post nudes as something that is done by people who are acting impulsively, uncritically, and without due consideration of the consequences.
But the truth is that it is possible to make an informed, thoughtful, positive choice to share your body on the internet and then do so without regretting it.
Agency changes everything. As one of my clients put it, “If someone shared it without me knowing, then of course it’s a big fat NO. But if someone seeing my naked body makes them feel good or reassured that all bodies are beautiful, then hell to the yes show my tits and ass off baby!!!!”
Ultimately, the choice to share your body on the internet should be one hundred million percent yours. No one should ever feel pressured to do so if they don’t want, but I am also here to yell from the other side of the room: nor should anyone feel pressured not to if it’s something they actively and thoughtfully want to do.
Fuck it, it’s your body, it’s a gift to us all should you choose to share it.
The Definitive Guide to Non-Cheesy Boudoir Photography
Boudoir photography gets a bad rap for being full of cheese. And for good reason…
The world of boudoir photography gets a bad rap for being full of cheese. And for good reason — there is so much boudoir photography out there that is deeply cheesy. It’s stiff, it’s corny, it’s photoshopped within an inch of its life, and it’s catering to a very specific gaze. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
I get clients all the time who come to me and say “I’m nervous to do a boudoir shoot because I’m afraid I’m going to feel stupid”. And honestly, I think that fear comes from the fact that so much boudoir depicts people doing things that look stupid. So much lip biting, unnatural poses, and “bedroom eyes” that verge more on Clockwork Orange than America’s Next Top Model. Seriously, whoever came up with the “look at me like you have a sexy secret” prompt should be punished by having to scroll through the thousands of “you look more like you have to poop” results that this leads to.
Anyone who has ever tried to take sexy selfies knows that a good portion of them come out looking deeply stupid. Trying to look sexy in a photo is usually a recipe for feeling like an alien in a skin suit. Maybe for some people it feels like a natural thing, but I think for most of us it results in sort of inauthentic, self-conscious looking results. The key to avoiding this is to basically forget everything you’ve heard about how to get sexy photos. And, even more importantly, you might have to forget a lot of things you’ve been taught about what is sexy to begin with.
Whether you’re a boudoir client looking for tips on how to feel non-stupid during your shoot or a boudoir photographer struggling to capture natural and sensual looking photos in your boudoir work, check out my guide to non-cheesy boudoir photography and toss the whole traditional boudoir playbook out the window.
No Static Posing
“Will you pose me?”
Erm, yes and no. I will direct you the whole time; you will never feel abandoned to fend for yourself. But I won’t pose you. Posing is a strategy for directing that, at least for boudoir, all but guarantees that your photos will come out looking stiff and unnatural. Static posing, especially when it involves micromanaging every pinky, every lock of hair, and every angle is usually pretty uncomfortable for the subject. It’s so much to hold in your brain all at once, and it makes you feel like you have to be hyper-controlled to be sexy. It’s basically saying, “sexiness is precarious, and we have to construct it very carefully and then capture it quickly before it disintegrates”. Ew.
I tell my boudoir clients to stay in motion nearly the entire time we’re shooting. The key, however, is the kind of motion. I tell them to move slowly, intuitively, and with their breath. I direct them to stretch, explore length and fluidity, and to move at about half speed of how they usually move. Not only does this keep you more in touch with your body and its sensations, it also prevents the I’m-holding-in-a-fart look while we’re exploring what should be a deeply relaxing experience.
I give my boudoir clients plenty of direction as we’re shooting, but I like to let the client’s natural way of moving and being in their body take the lead. I want people to move in ways that feel natural and intuitive to them so that the resulting photos look like them, not like something I am projecting onto them.
Keep It Tactile
Touch yourself.
Like a lot.
Touch your skin, touch your hair, touch your clothes, touch the environment, touch everything. Boudoir is best when it’s a very touchy experience. This is especially easy and fun when you’re doing couples boudoir, since you get to just rub your hands all over your babe. But it’s equally important in solo boudoir sessions! Not only does it keep you grounded in sensuality, it also results in the hottest photos.
Feeling First
I always start my boudoir sessions by having my clients take a few minutes to settle into their bodies. Stretch, breathe, check in with the nooks and crannies, and tune into the sensations in their bodies that so many of us spend our days tuning out of. Then, I tell them that throughout the shoot, I want them to focus on what their body feels like, not what it looks like.
It might sound counterintuitive to ignore what you look like when you’re having someone photograph you, but I guarantee you that even if your goal is to walk away with hot photos, thinking the whole time about what you look like will not be the way to accomplish that. It makes you self-conscious, hyper-aware of all the things that you don’t like about the way you look in an effort to make sure those things aren’t coming through, and just takes you out of your body.
When I look at boudoir photos, I want to feel something. So much boudoir photography comes across as hollow and disconnected, and I think that’s because not nearly enough attention is being paid to the connection between how you feel during the shoot and the way the photos look. If you feel uncomfortable, your photos will probably read as uncomfortable. If you feel in tune with your body and you’re moving from a place of sensuality and breath, getting hot photos is just a matter of me capturing the energy that’s already in front of me.
It’s your job to just be in touch with your body. A good photographer will know how to turn that into hot photos.
Forget About Eye Contact
I’d say in about 99% of the photos I take of myself where I’m looking at the camera, my face looks nothing like what I think it looks like. In my head, I’m giving Tyra. In reality, I’m giving double dose of Benadryl.
Some people are really excellent at photo eyes. They look engaged, connected, relaxed, alluring. Most of those people are professional models. And a select few boudoir clients I’ve had who have just really mastered the non-awkward sexy eye contact.
For most of us, doing an intentionally sexy face looking into the camera is extremely unnatural. And why should it be natural! Most of us don’t spend much time having professional photos taken of us, much less professional sexy photos, so why should we know how to tap into that in a shoot? Plus as soon as we get in front of the camera, most of us suddenly feel hyper self-conscious, which we already know translates into uncomfortable photos.
There are plenty of tricks photographers, myself included, use all the time to get natural eye contact in photo sessions, but actually my favorite way to avoid weird faces is to just skip the eye contact all together in a boudoir shoot. At least for most of the session. I really love when boudoir photos have a sort of almost voyeuristic aesthetic to them, like if you didn’t know any better you’d think that the subject didn’t even know the photographer was in the room. Closed eyes are actually incredible hot when what we’re trying to evoke is a deeply sensual experience — what could be more sensual than disappearing into sensations so much that you have to close your eyes and just feel them?
So you can skip the bedroom eyes and just focus on what your body is feeling, and just let your face follow naturally. It never leads me astray.
Fuck “Flattering”
I could write a dissertation about how bullshit the notion of “flattering” is. It’s one of those sneaky words that sounds like it means something like “you at your best” but, when you dig deeper, usually means something like “approximating a particular set of beauty standards”. There might be a very limited set of cases where that word could mean something non-toxic, but I think in most cases it’s a shifty little synonym for things like “slimmer”, “smaller”, “longer and leaner”, “curvier in the right ways”, blah blah blah. And fuck that.
I think that photographers focusing on flattering-ness, and especially when they let that language creep into the way they direct or talk to clients about their bodies, is one of the worst things they can do, even (and especially) when their stated goal is to help clients embrace their bodies. And given how common that goal is and how many boudoir photographers use that kind of body-positive language in their branding and messaging, I think a lot of us have a long way to go in really unpacking the more subtle ways that weird and gross standards permeate how we think about bodies and beauty.
We all have insecurities. Clients often come into their shoots and say, “I’m insecure about this part of my body” or “can you make me look more XYZ?” What I always tell them is this:
“We don’t have to pretend those insecurities don’t exist, but I also don’t want to let them steer the ship here. What if we just let them sit quietly in the corner while we shoot? They’ll be available for you to pick them back up when we’re done if you want, but I don’t think they deserve to be in charge in this room. Let’s see what happens when we just give them a break for a few hours.”
Limit Retouching
Even after the shoot ends, the commitment so many photographers have to enforcing bullshit body standards endures. So much boudoir is photoshopped to DEATH, so that the resulting images look so distorted and airbrushed that clients look more like Bratz dolls than adult human beings. WHY?? WHY.
Bodies have natural texture. They have shape and color and asymmetry and they take up space and thank god for that. When we try to smooth away all of the interesting edges and details that bodies contain, every boudoir photo looks the same. It could be a photo of absolutely anyone, and we’ve completely lost the plot of what brings most people to boudoir in the first place — to celebrate and capture them.
What I tell people when they ask me if I will retouch their photos is this: I will only retouch things that don’t represent what your body normally looks like. If you have a random scratch on your face that isn’t usually there, or you got a gnarly sunburn last weekend, or you ran into your coffee table and have a big ol’ bruise on your shin, I’m happy to edit that out because that’s not a basic part of what your body looks like. But curves, fat, cellulite, hair, wrinkles, etc. — that’s just you babyyyyyy, and that stays. FaceTune can eat my ass.
De-Gender It
Most boudoir is targeting at cis women. Like, nearly all of it. Most boudoir photographers even explicit use that language in their marketing — “helping women embrace themselves”, “celebrating the female form”, etc. And like, wow what a bummer to limit it to only that!
I get LOTS of clients who come to me looking for a queer boudoir photographer or a boudoir photographer who specifically captures more than just cis women. This is partly because, obviously, more than just cis women are looking for boudoir photographers. But it’s also because boudoir photography can be such a fun and exciting and therapeutic way to explore gender expression! Lots of those clients are specifically interested in exploring non-traditional gender presentation in their shoot, and some of them are even using their shoot to explore some of those aspects of themselves for the first time ever.
I cannot overstate what an honor it is to be able to help people do that kind of self-exploration. But it’s a kind of trust that you can only earn as a photographer if you are actively working to dismantle those traditional notions of who boudoir is for and examine how our collective concepts of what is sexy and attractive are deeply, deeply intertwined with prescriptive gender roles.
Anyway, gender is a potato. And boudoir is for everyone.
Find Your Own Flavor of Sexy
Boudoir is at least partially about capturing something sexy. But wtf does that mean? What is sexy?
I think there are as many ways of being sexy as their are people. For some people, their sexy is joyful. For some, it’s moody and mysterious. For others, it’s playful. For still others, it’s grungy and ugly. Whatever your particular flavor of sexy is, I want to capture that, not some sort of one-size-fits-all notion of sexiness.
When I have a consultation with a boudoir client, I always like to have them compile a little bit of visual inspiration for me (bless a Pinterest board) and send me a little reflection on what they hope to explore and capture in the shoot and a few adjectives that capture the mood they want to evoke. This gives me a good reference point for who they are and what best captures their personal sense of what feels sexy to them. Because who the fuck am I to decide that for them?
Think Outside the Genre
Okay I could write another dissertation about the absolute flaming hot takes that some people have about what does and does not count as boudoir. A lot of photographers have some ^VERY STRONG VIEWS^ about this one.
I call a lot of what I do boudoir photography both because it’s an easy search term for clients to use to find me and also because that’s the genre that a lot of my work grew out of. Some people might look at some of my work and insist, “that’s intimate portraiture! that’s fine art nude photography! that’s erotica! that’s porn! that’s just regular portraiture!”
Apart from the fact that who gives a shit, I actually also think that this kind of rigid attachment to genre categories is counterproductive for photographers. It incentivizes narrowness and uniformity in their work, it stifles creative exploration for both them and their clients, and it blinds one to real and inspiring opportunities to create something that really captures something true for their clients. In fact, new clients often come to me and say that my work called to them precisely because it wasn’t what they were expecting when they searched for boudoir photography.
Sometimes what a client or photographer wants to explore in a shoot is not neatly categorizable in that way, or straddles multiple genres of photography, and if that means the final result doesn’t look like traditional boudoir photography then w h o c a r e s? Pursuit of non-dogmatic creative inspiration and authenticity is a powerful antidote to cheese, so follow the anti-cheese, whatever genre you want to call it.
BREATHE
The last and perhaps most important key to non-cheesy boudoir photography is breath. Breath and then more breath and then after you’re done breathing do some more breathing. No holding your breath, no sucking in your stomach so you can only take shallow breaths, no frozen, static, butthole-clenching posing. Breeeeeeattttthhhhhhheee.
Non-cheesy boudoir photography is not only possible, it’s easier than the cheese. It’s more authentic, more honest, more creative, and most importantly, more you. All you have to do is forget everything you’ve been told about how to do it.