Mel (he/they)
It definitely started with drag.
Once I started drawing on a mustache, I was like oh…hold on this is cool. I was at DragCon in LA, and there was a glitter table and the people working the table encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. Looking left and right, everybody is putting it on their eyebrows, and I just did like a whole glitter beard. Everyone was just like, whoa, that's so cool, man. Everyone was referring to me as male all of sudden. They're bro-ing me and it felt so right. I walked around the whole LA Convention center and I was just seeing so many people smiling at me like, “oh, that's awesome. That's awesome”. I'm like…what is this positive reaction? To think I was putting on glitter with this little compact mirror at this booth, freaking out a little bit, thinking this going to be weird for me to walk around and it was quite the opposite. After such a positive response I was inspired and I love performing, so it's just like everything fell into place. I came home from LA and I just started playing with makeup. It was just like, everything truly lined up.
After that, I started researching drag kings. Stumbled upon Switch and Play, like a lot of Brooklyn-based based kings. Brooklyn had a lot of drag king information to offer. Made me think, where is this in Manhattan? Because that's close to me, I live in Jersey. I was born in New York City, but I live in Jersey, so it was just definitely deep diving and trying to figure out my personality, my persona, who did I want to be as a drag king. That's the first thing you have to do. Deep dive, do your research, figure out like every type of king, because no two kings are alike. Every artist is very, very different. In drag you can do any gender, you can gender flip, gender fuck, like it doesn't matter 'cause it's all like illusion either way, with the makeup, with the different like costumes and all of that, feathers, I love it. I was scared, but I always wanted to venture out to just like, go and be an audience member in Brooklyn.
I remember watching drag shows and wondering where are the drag kings? Trust me, I love drag queens however I wanted to see Drag Kings as well. I’d go out and see show after show, hoping for Kings. Wondering where is it? Where is it? So then I'm like, I need to do it so I can see it. Duh!
Through drag I was able to meet trans women, trans men, non binary, every type of person. I wanted to learn about everybody, their journey and how they feel comfortable. We're just growing, we're evolving. We're trying to heal from shit we've had to go through. That's the thing, take it day by day, every day, we got this.
Since I was a kid growing up, gender didn’t make sense to me.
I grew up with my cousins always playing football. I did do cheerleading for eight years only because it was the closest thing to being on the field. Getting to watch the game up close wishing I was a player.
I’ll never forget when I was about 8 or 9 and my chest wasn’t flat anymore all of a sudden I was growing “mosquito bites” is what I called them, and I was sad because they would be pointy under my shirts. Then my mom gave me these training bras and I did not want any part in that but apparently I had to. I remember being so confused and upset like why is this happening. I'm just like, can we stop this? Like, can we not make this happen? And then she had to explain to me no, your boobs are growing. Like it's going to happen. I remember thinking NO! Never wanted them and I’m glad they are gone. After having top surgery I felt so much lighter. Physically and emotionally. I wanted it for so long. And then so many other drag artists inspired me. Community fundraisers are so important and I was able to take part in a few as well as have two for my top surgery. It felt so good to finally have support behind me.
Even a few years ago, we didn’t have a lot of this language, the gender dysphoria or any of these terms. I remember going to a doctor and I'm like trying to describe to her certain things, and she's like, what are you talking about? She was just looking at me like, what the fuck are you seeing? And I'm like, wait, but you're a doctor...
Thankfully, I went through Callen-Lorde and they helped me get my letter. They helped me because you need one from a physician and one from a psychologist/therapist to get approved for surgery. So that was fairly easy. I got blood work through them. They were just so helpful because I'm like, this is my running line, but I'm not the only one. Like, there's so many of us out here. So it's just like, they knew what to do. They helped me so much. I feel like a different person. When I put even like a t-shirt or a hoodie on, I feel so comfortable. I look in the mirror, like I'm just chilling. It's so nice to get dressed. Like finally! Getting dressed as a kid was like torture. 'Cause I never wanted to wear like skirts, dresses, anything like that. Now I just do it just because like you know, fuck norms and shit. But when I was young…all I wanted to do was wear a suit at 12 years old, and my family was definitely did not agree. Once I started doing drag, they were very supportive. They love to see me perform. They love to see me happy. And it was like, with top surgery, I just kind of did that on my own. Even the whole time, it was like a quick timeline. I was always giving very much like non binary. I was never one or the other. So its drag came second nature to me. For example I'll do a mustache, but it's covered in glitter, hot pink, blue, and color.
It’s like the pageant answer but like…people have to lead with grace, definitely lead with grace. Take a deep breath if you make a mistake because it happens all the time. I've done it too, where I've misgendered somebody, or I'll say the wrong thing. We're all learning, and so we have to give each other grace.
But for us trans people, it's like…don't stop doing what you're doing. Don’t, don't, don't, don't. Like if anything, be more unapologetically yourself, just continuing your art. Continuing whatever makes you happy. We can't go backwards. Don't make yourself small because of someone. Don't be like, oh, I'm gonna wear this because I have to step outside and I don't want somebody to look like…no, no, boo. Like, rock what you're going to. Wear your boots, wear your heels, wear whatever makes you feel like you.
Showing up, being yourself every day is all you can do. 'Cause what else are we going to do? It's so much work to be fake. It's so much easier to just be happy. If you're happy, you spread the happiness, you know what I mean? If you're sad, you're walking around angry, you're just going to be miserable and people are going to feel that. That's why, every time I try to go to a gig or any time, even if I'm not necessarily working the gig or just in the audience, I'm just trying to like, say hi to everybody like, make sure people are good. Because we only have each other. It’s so corny, but it's like we only have each other.
